Song of Songs 8:5
This has been my anthem these past few months as I sit in the ebb and flow of transition and fundraising and grace and presence.
“Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her beloved?”
I’m starting to realize that with each new step of obedience, each new nudge from the Lord, every new season entered, there is a deeper amount of trust and further refinement needed of me. The gold was refined enough for last season, but for the next season more imperfections need to be burned out FOR MY SAKE.
This summer has held refinement.
Refining trust.
Refining control.
Refining love.
Refining dependence.
The Lord is kind to offer and lead us through refinement.
I got off the field in June.
I leave in a few weeks.
These months held moments of complete surrender, where my prayer became “I fully trust you”, and my heart posture shifted more into wanting only what the Father wants. “Let my desire be you”.
My worship became simple. I sat in his presence, in the stillness, making it all about and for him. How I long to offer him all I have, to be emptied out at his feet. An action seemingly foolish to the world, but means everything to me.
I saw prayers answered. Intercession filled my heart with a deeper weight, more fervor. The more time I spent, the more time I wanted to spend with him. David wrote it in Psalms “as the deer pants for the water, so my soul pants for you” and “my soul thirsts for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water”.
I don’t want anything if he isn’t there with me. This is my deepest prayer these days. I just want him.
I’m waiting on his every move. I’m rejoicing each moment. I’m in awe. He is it.
I’m leaning on my beloved in ways that were unknown to me months ago, but are vital now. Newfound intimacy kindling a fire within me to see his heart for his people here on earth. I’m ready to see the kingdom here.
These months were special. At first they held unknown as I was simply walking in obedience. But I’m walking out different. Marked by goodness, met by love in tender ways, further healing, and deeper intimacy. I’m thanking God for placing me where he did for these months. I’m beyond honored to be living life hand in hand with my Papa.
